I wake up every evening...

...With a big smile on my face.

Ok, so not really so much. But it is so uber close to August that I can hardly stand it.
I have hit a bit of a snag in my financial plans: I'm losing my job. It was bound to happen to a temp in an economy in crisis mode, but I was really hoping they'd hold on until the end of July. Technically, I have until June 19th, but I'm hoping to jump ship before that. I had an interview at Target (figure the discount will get me through...right) and have applied a plethora of other places. We'll see. I feel bad about the whole applying situation, seeing as I'm lying to everyone and saying "oh yeah, I'll be here forever! I have nothing else valid and worthwhile to do with my life." If only they knew!

I also found out a couple of weeks ago that I had been approved for the full $20,500 in stafford loans for school. Whooo...more debt! Of course after the exchange rate, this doesn't amount to a whole lot (i.e. barely enough to pay my rent) but that's what the working was supposed to be for. I'm about 1,100 shy of my goal right now, I'm hoping to make it, but I also still have to purchase my Visa, and my train pass. Some days I really just want to cancel my plane ticket, and my backpacking and just SAVE. BUT I won't. No fear. When will I ever have this chance again??? To make matters worse, my mom lost her job. It wasn't that I was depending on her giving me money...she's just always a safety net. A mom loan if you will. She's given me numerous lectures on the dangers of credit cards, etc. and I still do not have one when most of my other 20-something counterparts have at least one. Now that the mom loan is out of the question (she's got savings, but I could never do that...), I don't really have a back up plan. Like, if I get robbed in Vienna, there's nothing else.

So, the solution that I'm grappling with is taking out even more in student loans. I probably qualify for a Grad Plus loan. I think if I could get maybe another 10 grand, I'd be set. Oy vey. Honestly, though...as it seems no one will be able to afford to come visit me for Christmas as planned, I'll probably come home. And, no one but me will be able to pay for that ticket. And I won't be able to pay for that ticket unless I have extra money. I know I could get a job while in school---but I've worked all through high school and all through college. I really feel like I missed out on key experiences because of the need to have money. Maybe I missed a roadtrip, or didn't see a movie; perhaps my grades would have been just a bit better. Who knows. I just want this degree to be different. I want knowledge. I want every minute devoted to my studies, learning, experiencing what my professors have to offer. And, i want to hop on the train to Bath/Dublin/where ever at a moments notice without having to work or not having the money to. I want an internship at a publishing house, not a part-time job at the coffee shop. I've had those, I need more!

On a less serious note, although just as depressing: two weekends ago was graduation 2009. Meaning, the last of my WVU crew have gathered their diplomas and left me in this sucky town for good. Sigh. I cried, probably more than they did, on graduation day. Maria stayed with me that whole week before and as I left her Saturday night before grad, around 3am, I layed in bed and bawled my eyes out (don't think I told you that, M!). 1. I can't believe that my dearest Maria is a college graduate and no longer lives in Morgantown. Maria embodies Morgantown for me. I can't describe why. I am always at the same instant completely jealous and completely in love with that girl...she is Magic. :) I know exactly what you will say upon reading this, but I am super jealous of the life you led here at WVU. The guard stuff, the photo shoots and movie making, even your crazy last semesters full of random stuff! 2. Lizzle. My olive drab sprinkle...a big, grown-up MA. And soon, you'll be donning that funny hat for your Ph. D. I am in awe of you as well. Mainly for your perseverance to become a Ph. D and secondly for your earring collection. :)
You are one of the smartest people I've ever met. And I don't care what you say...when we go out together, I'll always feel second fiddle. I feel like between us we'll always have Pride and Prejudice at the Warner and Arnold hall sundaes with way too many sprinkles. And whats more, we'll always be able to be in that state of mind no matter how crazy fabulous we (you) are.
I love you both so much, and there's no way I could've made it through this year, or any of the last few without either of you.



I've got a little more going on, but for now this is way too long. Ciao, bellas.